Sunday, October 01, 2006 1:40 PM
things have been hell. and i mean hell. for one, daddy won't shut up about my results. going on and on and on about how disappointed he is in me. hello? newsflash: i should be the first one disappointed. what makes it worse is that just a couple of days ago i was just thinking how nice it was to have a dad who doesn't scream at me just because of lousy results. and that's exactly what he did. urrgh.
to daddy:
'oh sorry, i'm working late and won't be coming home for dinner' and going out for "work" in the middle of the night doesn't work for me, just like my lousy results don't work for you. since when did you become a work guy? i've always been so proud of the daddy that is the family guy, always spending time with us. what happened to all that time? how can you keep saying 'i will support you all the way but your results are shit' but not show that support?
does going out at ten at night and coming home after one show how much support you're willing to give me? i remember the nights where i had to hold your hand just so that i could fall asleep. you were there, every night, for me to hold your hand. yours would be the last face i saw each night before going to bed. i'd talk to you about my day and anything else under the sun until the moment i closed my eyes.
now you only come in, at 2 in the morning, dressed in your work clothes, peek around the corner of the door to check if i'd turned off the lights before sleeping. that's it. no more good night kisses and i love yous. just checking the lights. that episode, at the restaurant, earlier tonight. that's not the kind of conversations i'd like to have with you. yes i want me to study hard as much as you want me too, maybe even more. but it doesn't help for you to tell me you don't see me making any effort.
i don't see you making any effort giving us the support you so gladly offered with sweet words. even after we told you how much we miss your not being at home, there was no change. even after the hug and saying you'll try to come back earlier, we could see no change. you couldn't even buy me mooncakes. i have absolutely no idea what happened, but i'm not liking it. i don't like the fact that every conversation i've had with you over the last few days have ended in tears. i don't like how you tell me i don't understaind how you feel, when clearly you don't understand how i feel either. you've never even taken a step back to see the miscommunication constantly going on.i don't know what's up with the tv, but it told me 'the greatest gift a father can give his child is his presence alone'. and then it said 'you will never know how a paren'ts love works until you become a parent yourself'. even the tv is talking to me! this sucks. as in i'm on the verge of giving up kind of sucky. its not nice. we have to fix it. jaclyn: please don't be angry anymore, it was a mistake on his part, but it may not be intentional, so let it go, alright? (:joshua: think, please.mummy: thank you, thank you, thank you.
♥ Do what you do,
down on me